#(because if we bring that up im gonna start getting insecure abt my ability to tell good stories at all and man its too early for that)

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

anyone else ever have this random fear of being accused of copying other people unintentionally? like

>be me >see another artist post something cool >"ooh funky i had a really similar idea once!" >get inspired to possibly draw something >"wait but what if their fans or they themselves notice and think i copied their idea and start drama (;;;*_*)" >end up not doing anything

[geekbarprincess]

outside of the weird connection i have to my online ex boyfriend that i never even met irl, i have a boy i’ve been hanging out w. we met on hinge 😺 not the first boy i’ve met on hinge, but the first one ive met while i was on hinge as a legal adult. and the first one ive liked this much. he’s genuinely lowkey someone i could see myself falling in love w, or at least sticking around. with the last hinge boy, and the only one that lasted more than one meeting until now* , he wasn’t really super mean but he was just subtly mean and but he was lowkey nice too.. idek how to describe that because it feels so weird to think abt that point in my life because it doesn’t feel like it’s my own memory, even tho it was literally only february of this year. well anyways, the new boy. he’s so sweet to me. he seems that he’s actually putting effort into understanding me as somebody who’s terminally mentally ill. he’s more patient with me than most people and i feel just so bad that he has to put up with me.

we met like right after my ex broke up w me.. i wasted no time. i mean we met on hinge like the next day and then i met him irl pretty soon after that. he picked me up and we sat in his car and talked for like 6 or 7 hours. it was one of the best times of my life and tbh my underwear were really wet but it’s okay. anyways, we fucked the first time he came to my house (idk how many meetings in that was or what day), and we’ve been fucking a lot since then yayyy. he’s got a nice penis tbh at least bigger than my ex’s (which i only ever saw on a screen anyway but it looked pretty small compared to new boy, which is crazy bc ex had the ability to use whatever specific angle to make it look big but i see new boy’s irl and its fr just big without him having to use specific angles).

well… new boy. i’ll call him bf. he’s a sweetheart. idk if we are dating fr or not but idc bc it’s not like im gonna go fuck anyone else or something because i don’t want to. i’d rather just spend all my time with him. he spends the night a lot. he just makes me really happy. he puts up with my crazy mood changes and emotional regulation issues. we went bowling together and i wasted being so annoying at the start and he seemed to get a bit fed up, but he didn’t take it out on me and we both just talked and calmed down. it made me feel so much better to see the way he reacted to that because him not getting angry at me for not being able to handle my emotions made me feel better to be able to try to calm down. but for some reason my brain tells me he’s pranking me so i guess i’ll update yall when he kidnaps my cats and makes me wanna kill myself again. jk i don’t see him personally doing that because he himself seems like a sweet person, i just don’t have faith in men as a whole at all because of my ex telling me so often that he could handle my mental problems but still get upset and bitchy and rude whenever i would act like i have mental problems. and im not saying i was completely not at all in the wrong in our relationship, but im saying with him knowing me for 3 years and me being mentally ill and insecure throughout the whole time of knowing me, he could’ve responded better than saying that he doesn’t wanna have “talks like this” when im just bringing up an insecurity. new boy actually tries to reassure me and make me feel worthy of being cared for and loved by my ex just made me want to hurt myself.. literally i attempted to kms and went to the psych ward in june literally only because i thought he stopped loving me. and then just a few months later he told me he loved me less. and then a few days later, left me.

idek what i’m saying fr but i hope my ex boyfriend dies and im really glad i met new boy and he lowkey makes my heart feel like its actually growing. he’s such a sweetie

* (there’s been 3, one we met up once and never talked again, one we ‘dated’ for a month and were saying i love you but i didn’t love him and he prob didn’t love me either, i mean we hardly knew each other, and i ended up telling him i couldn’t do it and i went back to the same ex i’ve been posting about, so not a successful past)